MOVE ON

I am using this analogy to prove a point.

You have dumped cloths inside a washing machine. The machine has performed its job. Now the cloths have to be taken out for drying. The longer you keep the cloths inside the machine, the fouler the odour will be. Don’t take it out for a few days and the stench will become unbearable. So it is with our thoughts and emotions. The more and more we keep building thoughts but do not communicate, and more and more we feel the emotions but do not express, the greater becomes the gap in the relationship. How long will you sweep things under the carpet? Eventually it will come out; and when it comes out, it comes out as a blast that is unmanageable.

 When you do not spontaneously communicate your thoughts and express your feelings, you begin to distort them. When you cannot face it, you tend to deny it. What you cannot accept, you pretend not to care about. Time, it seems, makes a liar out of all of us.

 The secret of emotional health is to tell the persons who hurt you that they hurt you, when they hurt you.Emotional stress is purely due to thoughts not communicated and emotions not expressed. Emotional illness is a strong disease.

You are telling me, “Honestly, if I start expressing all my thoughts and feelings, I will hurt the person who matters so much to me.” I am telling you, “If you don’t, you will eventually hurt the relationship itself.”

Let us learn to face the truth, even if it hurts. Let those who matter to us the most learn to face the truth, even if it hurts. Communicate your thoughts and feelings directly to the person who instigated it. Be prompt. Don’t wait for ideal conditions. Be simple. Finish your complaint and let go. Don’t exaggerate, don’t nag; avoid overkill. If the person feels with you, you have succeeded. If not, understand who you are dealing with. Accept what is. Forgive and let go of your hurt. Move on…you have nothing to prove.

So , I have moved on ….Have you??

Blame it on others

If something goes wrong, its not because of me.Its because of someone else..

My wife takes Maths tuitions. A student comes daily because her mother has forced her to this so called torture. My wife works very hard to get her student’s basics right. Its a struggle that I see more often than not.

The girl will say – “My teacher in school doesn’t teach me the same way, I am confused, I don’t understand, this subject is difficult”, my wife reasons – “Agreed that we are different teachers, our methods are different but how can the principles and logic change??”

The inability to understand the subject is a problem that the girl encounters and she has conveniently shifted the genesis of this problem to  the teaching methods of her teachers.

Now, when I recollect some of the incidents that happened in my school days,I can see this clearly.

How many times I have heard this among my friends in school – “ Exam paper was tough,the questions were out of syllabus, Maths teacher doesn’t like me”

Now what is this??

As long as we think that problem is due to others, the solutions will never originate from us as we don’t see this problem as ours. WE have to take the responsibility for our problems and not blame others. Ability to respond(to problems) is responsibility.

If there is an issue in our office, it is always because of  others and not “ME”.This creates an environment where there are only problems and no solution providers.

Only when we accept and recognise the problem that there is a hope in getting solutions.

I come back to the girl who is taking tuitions from my wife.She was counselled by my wife and me that the challenge is not MATHS as a subject but it lies in getting this fear out of your mind that this subject is tough.Once you accept that this is a problem,it is easier to get a solution which is – it takes practice, hard work and sound basics to get this subject right.

Half the battle is won when you accept the existence of a problem. She recognised this and has never moaned about the teacher again. The results are out, she secured an A1 in her most dreaded subject(even better than her relatively easier subjects).We both are very proud of her achievements and silently also take pride in changing her attitude(this is a bigger accomplishment that the A1)

So,the philosophy that can be imbibed is –

"Let problems come from anywhere, the solutions will come from me.”

WOMAN – Working or a House wife…

 

In this world, women are categorised as – Housewife (nowadays referred to as house maker) or working woman.. more so in India - I always wondered WHY?

Men are never classified as – Working or Househusband – again – WHY?

Men are always classified as – service – Govt, Private or business…

Now, this blog is not to discuss about MEN..it will not be an interesting read at all..

WOMEN are my object of attention in this blog…

Who decides that a married woman either works or becomes part of the domestic routine of her in-laws and her husband’s house. Now, a house wife is a position that is created only after marriage.

Who decides – Housewife or a working lady??

Does the husband decide this? The pressure from the in-laws?

Biggest influencers in her decision making process

1)     Her upbringing at her parents’ house influences her decision either to take up a job or be a housewife. If she is programmed to think that “pati parmeshwar hai”, “taking care of your in-laws is the duty of a daughter-in-law”, “kids need mother’s attention always” then more often than not she will end up as a HOUSEMAKER

2)     Her new husband will then further nudge her to take up a job to support him in running the house or can also tell her to take care of his ageing parents and he will take care of running the house with his salary

3)     If the girl is in the rural setting, then more often than not , she is an additional helping hand at home and the fields. There will be no time to settle down, its work from day one.

4)     Domestic help is a category of a working woman who has chosen her profession purely for financial reasons. She has to work to support the whole family and also come home and work. Nobody influences her to do this. She does on her own. Highest levels of commitment and motivation of taking care of her family also, sometimes, pushes a woman into prostitution.

5)     Financial independence also drives a woman to take up a job. She need it more for herself than anyone else. This is the modern outlook where women are equals and they strive for what that desire come what may.

6)     There is one other category who simply don’t want to take up a job and are comfortable taking care of their home and children. Highly educated women have taken this conscious decision inspite of their husbands and families willing to allow them to work.

Now what is right for a woman?

House maker or a job seeker??

My assessment -

1)     A woman has to decide for herself what is best for her

2)     Only she is in such a glorious position to take a decision which will make or break a family. She is the fulcrum around which a family and its needs revolve.

3)     Man is useless without her support be it as a house maker or a working woman

4)     House maker is a full time job that a woman has to do. WE have to appreciate the effort, time and energy involved in this. Its with awe that I look at this position of “Housemaker”

5)     A working woman epitomises the power of multi-tasking that only a woman can do with effortless ease.

Now , I can understand why woman has been categorised as – HOUSEWIFE/MAKER and a WORKING WOMAN.

Only she can handle these two with aplomb. Man is not programmed for such complexities which includes working selflessly for others, sacrificing her needs, desires  for her family.

One last thought on this - A girl who has come from a different house and tries to forge new relations post her marriage needs great support and understanding from her husband foremost.

So appreciate a woman and celebrate her spirit of giving…

Friendship

True, genuine friendships are such a treasure.  This type of friendship is one that can stand the test of time, where the other person accepts you for who you are…the good and the bad.

I have a few close friendships but I have one in particular that fits the title of ”My best friend”.

I met my best friend over 16 years ago.  We met in a higher secondary school .For several years we were a support system to each other in that realm but it went even deeper.  We had a lot of things in common and shared interests. 

 Busy schedules and family obligations can sometimes make connecting to each other a challenge but I am careful to make sure that we don’t lose touch.  I have seen first hand how two is better than one.  We are available for each other, that’s a silent relationship, it is taken for granted that we will be with each other during trying times.

We may not talk with each other on a daily basis but always have the time to remember each other every day on some pretext or the other.

He knows when I am ok to be approached and when to leave me alone, he can sense that mood and conducts accordingly and same is true for me too.

My happiness is his and my troubles are his. This kind of a relationship comes without any baggages,- no demands, no possessiveness, no mistrust ,no jealousies, no favours given or taken(its something that we do for each other happily) – its pure, transparent and without any expectations.

If you have a friend like this, treasure it.  Don’t let it go.  Hang onto it.  Be a good friend who can help another up.  And if you don’t have this kind of friendship, pray and ask God to bring one into your life.  I believe He can do that.  He knows the value in friendships.

Don’t try to go it alone in life.  After all, someone said (and I’m not sure who) but “A good friend is cheaper than therapy.”  

Who will BELL the CAT?

Indian tour Down Under this summer ,mildly put, has been a disaster.

Just some time back, we were the World’s No1 test team and we are now quickly slipping down the ladder- as I write – we are  4^th.Even this ranking seems to be quite over-rated.ICC needs to re-work its points system(apart from various issues on which it needs to work)

Now,the bigger issue in this blog for me , is – What is happening to Indian team?

To quickly analyse – our main batting stalwarts – Sachin,Dravid& Laxman , have done their chances no good by putting up batting displays that were far below the standards they have set for themselves and others to follow.

Our next-in-line batsmen – Virat,Rohit,Raina – have been touted as the next BIG three(I am excluding Pujara – poor fellow- has been injured – maybe that’s lucky for him)

These young guns have misfired in most of the occasions.We can spare a thought for Virat who was the only centurion in the whole tour so far(ODIs and tests included).

But does that mean we should not persist with the young guns??

So,where is the hope for Indian cricket?

Hope is in taking a hard look at our domestic set-up and also looking at IPL.It is a cash cow allright but what is more important? Survival of cricket or IPL?? BCCI has been bull dozing its way in all the ICC-related policies – be it the window for IPL or the referral system or the Sahara sponsorship fiasco…

Wish it could channelize some of its energies towards

1)     Preparing better pitches that will suit fast bowling

2)     Creating a strong bench-strength through ‘A” team touring various countries

3)     Drafting and implementing a proper succession plan for the batsmen and bowlers

4)     Not allowing IPL as the platform to select players for national duty

5)     Reducing the IPL window thus providing more time for the cricketers to recuperate and condition themselves for the sterner TESTS.

Now, another important issue is, who will tell Sachin that it is time he hangs up his boots and say a dignified goodbye to International cricket?

Ricky Ponting got dropped due to poor form in the current CBS triangular series.Indians can’t imagine Sachin getting the same treatment!! We are tolerant towards average performance and are highly skewed towards past reputation.

This has to stop .Nobody denies Sachin’s contributions and his stellar performances but time has come to take a step sideways and give way to young budding cricketers.That’s how he got into the team in the first place.Mohinder Amarnath,Sandip Patil were the guys who gave their places to him.The same is true for Dravid and Laxman as well…

Now, who will bell these big CATs? I think there is no other way  but  for the CATs to realise and bell themselves!!!

One day...

If God granted me one day to spend as I wish how would that be?

Since I will have 24 hours at my disposal, I would want to wake up early – seven am(haha, no way I would wake up at 4am)

I will NOT

1)      brush my teeth , not shave ,

2)      set the bed right ,

3)      water the plants,

4)      read the newspaper,

5)     watch any cricket match,

6)     eat healthy food

7)     go for my morning walks

But what I would want to DO

1)     play badminton till I exhaust myself(3hrs)

2)     go on a nature trip with family into the forest(5 hrs)

3)     go bird watching(3hrs)

4)     go to a place where there is a lot of fresh air and water – sleep ,eat and rest(10 hours)

5)     with the remaining time ,will go and spend with old people at old age home and young children at an orphanage(3 hrs)

Now, looking at God’s busy schedule , I don’t see HIM grating my wish. So, I believe I will end up with the list of doing all those things that were in the “I WILL NOT” list.

WAKE UP KRISH…Brush your teeth…

Passion - Smash and Drop

The topic for this blog of mine deals with flexibility,speed,feathers,net,nylon chords - Yes,I am talking of badminton

We Indians have all played this game...shuttle cork and racquets are all this game requires with some open spaces.This is a game where women,kids - all, have displayed their racquet skills some time or the other.

But , in the end, only a few excel at this game because it is their passion and not just a mode of evening entertainment/time pass.

I have always loved to play this game from my childhood,I believe the genes of this racquet game were passed on to me by my father - who was himself a national level ball badminton player.He has won many a tournament.I was a witness to a few of the tournaments myself.

My father used to go every Sunday for practice in Pune(thats where we studied,played ,enjoyed the most).I use to tag along with him and used to watch the matches played from the sidelines.I even doubled up as a ball boy incase the ball used to land far away from the court(Ball badminton is an outdoor sport - can be played as doubles and fives).

I used to enjoy this Sunday ritual as it helped me to understand team work and the skills required in this fast paced game.

I then took up badminton(my student days - must have been 12 or 13 years) by playing at our estate club,I used my Dad's wooden racquet to play.This racquet was very different from a normal badminton racquet.It was heavy,wooden and had strings that were quite tough.

The only trouble at our estate club was that there was no coach who could give that strong foundation of basics.Formal coaching is what I still miss and feel about.

I played occasionally therafter because cricket ,football and hockey were the games that the kids of my neighbourhood preferred(maybe because they lacked skills in badminton)

I completely lost touch with badminton when I started my professional work.It was only about 2 years back when one of my friends goaded me to join him and his friends to play at a nearby club.I was again re-united with my long lost love.I was back in the groove.

I focussed on honing and sharpening my skills (age doesnt matter - if you want to learn) and my bigger goal was to play in a tournament and find out where I stand.

For one year,I practiced with my new found friends whose common passion was BADMINTON.In the second year, we then participated(40+ age group) in a tournament organised by Mahrashtra Badminton Association.My partner and me won the first round and then lost to worthy opponents in the second.That was my first taste of a badminton tournament.

The next stop was a corporate tournament where I was representing my company,Reliance Industries.We won Men's doubles in 40+ category.

My success in this tournamaent has encouraged me to practice harder and improve my skills further.

Now,badminton has become my biggest passion...Want to continue with it till I can...