Trust Me

I am such a gullible fella – I trust others.

Why some  people trust easily and why others don’t?

Which is better – trusting or not trusting?

Trust is a matter of experience. Child trusts a mother  when she joyously throws her child in the air and catches in time.

When a child grows and starts getting  experience of interactions with various people, he/she either builds the trust factor or depletes the trust factor. The more you encounter positive experiences the more you trust others.

The bigger hurdle for trust is the human nature that borders on cynisim. WE don’t trust strangers. How many times have we given a lift to strangers in our cars? Why don’t we? Imagine a situation where you are looking for a lift as you are stuck with a car that has broken down on a desolate highway (now you are the stranger),where you are willing to trust the other person(who still is a stranger) giving a lift because it is suiting your purpose!!

We don’t trust others but expect others to trust us..

How do you feel when you meet somebody for the first time?

1)      Does it make you feel that you have to prove that you are trustworthy? Is that a good feeling?

2)      It perhaps makes you jump to negative conclusions about that person – Why is he behaving like this,whats his problem..these are your reactions of suspicion as a response to lack of trust from that person

Now, we look at the flip side

How does it make you feel when you meet somebody for the first time and get a warm response, feeling of trust and openness? You like it , don’t you?In fact , you start liking that person instantly and you are much more likely to treat them with respect in return

If you want others to trust and respect us, do the same to them too.Thats a good beginning , isn’t it?Trusting others sets up a subconscious desire in them to live up to that trust

Trust is a form of approval – People like to deal with people who have their approval because it is a sign of acceptance and respect.

Successful relationships are built on trust – the more we count someone as trustworthy, the higher they get rated on our personal relationships.

Back to our opening question – In a world where some people are looking to take advantage of others,is it unwise to trust others?All I am talking about is the attitude that we project towards people we meet for the first time.

If you greet most people with trust and give them the benefit of the doubt, you will not be disappointed( I speak from my experience).Helping others feel good about themselves will raise the quality of their life and ours too

So use your common sense and exercise caution when it is required

Trust me, trusting is a good virtue…J

Random....

Just penning down a collection of random thoughts and not related to any specific topic..

1.    Self

Who we are is our destiny

What we become is our doing.

2.   Love

My heart says to Love all

This world says to be practical

Love is an emotion that now is rare

Not everyone deserves this as their right

I will thus use this sparingly

Till the world again pleads to me

            LOVE ALL

3.   Cycle of Life

Life is a cycle of experience…

Childhood is the first pedal that we Explore,

Teenage is the first gear with which  we Experiment,

Youth is the speed that we Enjoy,

Middle age is the balance that we Adopt

Old Age is the brake that we apply to our Needs.

Apply Brakes and Break Away

I am going to FAR EAST for my holidays

I am a big fan of London and the shopping it offers

Big Apple,  I am coming!!

GOA – whoa…..

Monsoon holiday for me….

When the body or mind reaches its threshold, efficiency declines. As much as we take rest at the end of the day to replenish our energy levels, holidays rejuvenate our mind, intellect and emotions and thereby the spirit.

If at all we do go on a holiday, we exhaust ourselves with seeing seven different places in a day’s time. It is plenty of travelling, sightseeing, visiting places of worship and endless shopping. Such holidays, instead of serving as a break, actually break you down. What to say of people who do the same even during their honeymoon!

Some people tend to maximize their holidays by booking and looking to stuff many options in to a limited period of holiday.Some people wish to go totally opposite. They will get up at 1pm and have their breakfast and lunch at 4pm and dinner at 1am –result – acidity ,upset stomach…

My view – both are a bit extreme as they will stress the system and by the time you arrive back at your base location – HOME , you are tired and longing to take another day off to recuperate from the schedule

Holidays are meant to be a “routine breaker” which allows you to step back from your daily schedule and take a look at life from an “outsider” perspective.

 Taking family holidays is the best investment one can make to rebuild family ties. Likewise, taking a holiday with your friends greatly strengthens the emotional bonding, we get nostalgic, remember the silly things that we did and still not get embarrassed in front of our friends.

 A holiday provides uninterrupted time with each other and hence reduces the accumulated emotional baggage. It breaks the pattern of routine life which has turned out to be a professional drill for most people. It not only provides recreation, but also re- creates your spirits (the solid one, not the liquid).

Leave your mobile phones, laptops and your tight inner garments behind. Dress comfortably during your holiday and forget modeling. Resolve not to call your office till your holiday is through. For heaven’s sake, do not go there and start cooking your own food. Treat you tongue to new cuisines.

Its always a welcome break for the housewife (who works the hardest in a family) too from her daily routine – breakfast for the husband, getting the kids ready for school, endless hours in the kitchen – getting lumch,snacks and dinner.. whoosh next day begins. Even she is sick and tired of eating her own food..She is the person who enjoys the most on a holiday as she gets to eat what she wants and not what she has prepared…

A holiday to unwind... a holiday to break the pattern of thought and work…a holiday to rejuvenate…a holiday to breathe different air…a holiday to look back and to look ahead…a holiday to dedicate yourself completely to the family…a holiday a holiday to free yourself from your labels and designations ,  where you can  be purely YOU without any inhibitions…

Holidays are mandatory. Without breaks, we will break down.

So, apply brakes to your work and Break away

MOVE ON

I am using this analogy to prove a point.

You have dumped cloths inside a washing machine. The machine has performed its job. Now the cloths have to be taken out for drying. The longer you keep the cloths inside the machine, the fouler the odour will be. Don’t take it out for a few days and the stench will become unbearable. So it is with our thoughts and emotions. The more and more we keep building thoughts but do not communicate, and more and more we feel the emotions but do not express, the greater becomes the gap in the relationship. How long will you sweep things under the carpet? Eventually it will come out; and when it comes out, it comes out as a blast that is unmanageable.

 When you do not spontaneously communicate your thoughts and express your feelings, you begin to distort them. When you cannot face it, you tend to deny it. What you cannot accept, you pretend not to care about. Time, it seems, makes a liar out of all of us.

 The secret of emotional health is to tell the persons who hurt you that they hurt you, when they hurt you.Emotional stress is purely due to thoughts not communicated and emotions not expressed. Emotional illness is a strong disease.

You are telling me, “Honestly, if I start expressing all my thoughts and feelings, I will hurt the person who matters so much to me.” I am telling you, “If you don’t, you will eventually hurt the relationship itself.”

Let us learn to face the truth, even if it hurts. Let those who matter to us the most learn to face the truth, even if it hurts. Communicate your thoughts and feelings directly to the person who instigated it. Be prompt. Don’t wait for ideal conditions. Be simple. Finish your complaint and let go. Don’t exaggerate, don’t nag; avoid overkill. If the person feels with you, you have succeeded. If not, understand who you are dealing with. Accept what is. Forgive and let go of your hurt. Move on…you have nothing to prove.

So , I have moved on ….Have you??

Blame it on others

If something goes wrong, its not because of me.Its because of someone else..

My wife takes Maths tuitions. A student comes daily because her mother has forced her to this so called torture. My wife works very hard to get her student’s basics right. Its a struggle that I see more often than not.

The girl will say – “My teacher in school doesn’t teach me the same way, I am confused, I don’t understand, this subject is difficult”, my wife reasons – “Agreed that we are different teachers, our methods are different but how can the principles and logic change??”

The inability to understand the subject is a problem that the girl encounters and she has conveniently shifted the genesis of this problem to  the teaching methods of her teachers.

Now, when I recollect some of the incidents that happened in my school days,I can see this clearly.

How many times I have heard this among my friends in school – “ Exam paper was tough,the questions were out of syllabus, Maths teacher doesn’t like me”

Now what is this??

As long as we think that problem is due to others, the solutions will never originate from us as we don’t see this problem as ours. WE have to take the responsibility for our problems and not blame others. Ability to respond(to problems) is responsibility.

If there is an issue in our office, it is always because of  others and not “ME”.This creates an environment where there are only problems and no solution providers.

Only when we accept and recognise the problem that there is a hope in getting solutions.

I come back to the girl who is taking tuitions from my wife.She was counselled by my wife and me that the challenge is not MATHS as a subject but it lies in getting this fear out of your mind that this subject is tough.Once you accept that this is a problem,it is easier to get a solution which is – it takes practice, hard work and sound basics to get this subject right.

Half the battle is won when you accept the existence of a problem. She recognised this and has never moaned about the teacher again. The results are out, she secured an A1 in her most dreaded subject(even better than her relatively easier subjects).We both are very proud of her achievements and silently also take pride in changing her attitude(this is a bigger accomplishment that the A1)

So,the philosophy that can be imbibed is –

"Let problems come from anywhere, the solutions will come from me.”

WOMAN – Working or a House wife…

 

In this world, women are categorised as – Housewife (nowadays referred to as house maker) or working woman.. more so in India - I always wondered WHY?

Men are never classified as – Working or Househusband – again – WHY?

Men are always classified as – service – Govt, Private or business…

Now, this blog is not to discuss about MEN..it will not be an interesting read at all..

WOMEN are my object of attention in this blog…

Who decides that a married woman either works or becomes part of the domestic routine of her in-laws and her husband’s house. Now, a house wife is a position that is created only after marriage.

Who decides – Housewife or a working lady??

Does the husband decide this? The pressure from the in-laws?

Biggest influencers in her decision making process

1)     Her upbringing at her parents’ house influences her decision either to take up a job or be a housewife. If she is programmed to think that “pati parmeshwar hai”, “taking care of your in-laws is the duty of a daughter-in-law”, “kids need mother’s attention always” then more often than not she will end up as a HOUSEMAKER

2)     Her new husband will then further nudge her to take up a job to support him in running the house or can also tell her to take care of his ageing parents and he will take care of running the house with his salary

3)     If the girl is in the rural setting, then more often than not , she is an additional helping hand at home and the fields. There will be no time to settle down, its work from day one.

4)     Domestic help is a category of a working woman who has chosen her profession purely for financial reasons. She has to work to support the whole family and also come home and work. Nobody influences her to do this. She does on her own. Highest levels of commitment and motivation of taking care of her family also, sometimes, pushes a woman into prostitution.

5)     Financial independence also drives a woman to take up a job. She need it more for herself than anyone else. This is the modern outlook where women are equals and they strive for what that desire come what may.

6)     There is one other category who simply don’t want to take up a job and are comfortable taking care of their home and children. Highly educated women have taken this conscious decision inspite of their husbands and families willing to allow them to work.

Now what is right for a woman?

House maker or a job seeker??

My assessment -

1)     A woman has to decide for herself what is best for her

2)     Only she is in such a glorious position to take a decision which will make or break a family. She is the fulcrum around which a family and its needs revolve.

3)     Man is useless without her support be it as a house maker or a working woman

4)     House maker is a full time job that a woman has to do. WE have to appreciate the effort, time and energy involved in this. Its with awe that I look at this position of “Housemaker”

5)     A working woman epitomises the power of multi-tasking that only a woman can do with effortless ease.

Now , I can understand why woman has been categorised as – HOUSEWIFE/MAKER and a WORKING WOMAN.

Only she can handle these two with aplomb. Man is not programmed for such complexities which includes working selflessly for others, sacrificing her needs, desires  for her family.

One last thought on this - A girl who has come from a different house and tries to forge new relations post her marriage needs great support and understanding from her husband foremost.

So appreciate a woman and celebrate her spirit of giving…

Friendship

True, genuine friendships are such a treasure.  This type of friendship is one that can stand the test of time, where the other person accepts you for who you are…the good and the bad.

I have a few close friendships but I have one in particular that fits the title of ”My best friend”.

I met my best friend over 16 years ago.  We met in a higher secondary school .For several years we were a support system to each other in that realm but it went even deeper.  We had a lot of things in common and shared interests. 

 Busy schedules and family obligations can sometimes make connecting to each other a challenge but I am careful to make sure that we don’t lose touch.  I have seen first hand how two is better than one.  We are available for each other, that’s a silent relationship, it is taken for granted that we will be with each other during trying times.

We may not talk with each other on a daily basis but always have the time to remember each other every day on some pretext or the other.

He knows when I am ok to be approached and when to leave me alone, he can sense that mood and conducts accordingly and same is true for me too.

My happiness is his and my troubles are his. This kind of a relationship comes without any baggages,- no demands, no possessiveness, no mistrust ,no jealousies, no favours given or taken(its something that we do for each other happily) – its pure, transparent and without any expectations.

If you have a friend like this, treasure it.  Don’t let it go.  Hang onto it.  Be a good friend who can help another up.  And if you don’t have this kind of friendship, pray and ask God to bring one into your life.  I believe He can do that.  He knows the value in friendships.

Don’t try to go it alone in life.  After all, someone said (and I’m not sure who) but “A good friend is cheaper than therapy.”