People,daily life characters that we miss now

In my childhood and for readers who are of my generation or earlier, there are vivid memories of people whom you used to encounter on an almost daily basis and that set of people are close to extinction now atleast in the big cities and in near future they will completely vanish. Let me give a few examples of this 1) Gorkha(the night watchman) – this person used to do the night rounds with a heavy stick in his hand and his cries of “jaagte raho” still echo in my ears. He used to come every month and then with a pleasant smile would just say – “Shaabji,salaam” and my mom/dad would give him some tip(Rs.10 that time for the whole month!!!) 2) Kapdewali(the clothes woman) – she was this woman who collected the old clothes from the ladies and in return would give stainless steel utensils.I was a witness to a lot of haggling by my mom with this lady for a bigger utensil in return for a set of old clothes.My mom ( a master negotiator)would say – “these are almost new clothes that I am giving and in return you are giving such a small utensil?”.Our tiffin box, glass tumblers, steel plates were all courtesy this lady. 3) Khari biscuit wala(biscuit vendor) – this guy was a big hit with us kids.He will get the naankhatais, kharis, biscuits in his big aluminium box tightly strung to his cycle and the smell of these would make me go bonkers.I used to love his visits to our house.My mom would take a few varieties and that would delight me no end. 4) Icecream wallah (vendor) – this vendor would push his hand cart and would lure us kids into purchasing icecream sticks .I used to love the mango variant,there was no scare of any infection, sore throats or of any hygiene related apprehensions. I am sure ,you have some more fond memories of such people that I may have missed. Do write about them and let us recollect those days when such self-employment opportunities were not threatened by the big retailers….

Dream, we must!!!

This topic came, not in my dream, but while reading HBR that was given by my boss a few days back. HBR article mentioned how practicing in dreams can improve one’s performance. A research mentioned that when people imagine practicing a skill or sport during ”lucid dreaming”, the state in which a sleeping person recognises he’s in a dream and takes control of it, their performance in that activity improves in real life. Astounding, I thought and absurd some may say!!! Some 50 years ago, Martin Luther King Jr. delivered that historic speech “ I have a dream…”(if any one of you haven’t heard or read that speech ,then you should).Eventually, America found their first Afro-American President in Barack Obama.What is significant here is that this dream was not dreamt during best of times but to the contrary was in worst of times.(when the blacks didn’t even have the voting rights) Nearer, here in India, in 1999, when our telephony and communication systems were pathetic, Dhirubhai Ambani dreamt of a digital India that was affordable to the common man(a mobile call at the cost of a post card was the brief given to the Reliance project team) With every product, service costing more and more, Ratan Tata dared to dream of a NANO. Mahatma Gandhi dreamt of a free India when our country was enslaved for more than 3 centuries.. Dream we must, that we all know. What needs to be taken from this is that dreams processed by these great men were during the most troubled or testing times. And, on the sheer strength of their dreams, people, organisations and countries stood by them to make their dreams come true.. Come, let us dream and let the sheer strength of our dreams make the world stand by us…

Human tendencies

We feel irritated by bores or fools and have little patience with those whose opinions differ from ours. Nonetheless we put up with them because we don’t want to hurt their feelings. But there are some who have no such inhibitions, and a few who actually seem to take a perverse pleasure in showing their resentment openly, particularly when they know that, because of their higher positions, they themselves are immune from the same treatment Take for example one of my previous bosses. Whenever HE was on a tour, we used to feel relieved as we could have a cup of coffee and a bit of chit chat (which was at such a premium when HE was around) but then HE would make it a point to call up any of our desk phones & not hand phones just to make sure we were sitting and working and not wasting our time. That used to irk us no end. Calling at odd hours and demanding an update of an ongoing project was HIS pet pastime.To keep us on our toes all the time(including potty time) gave HIM perverse pleasure. Why is it symptomatic of people who are in position power? To have people at their beck and call gives them a high. A boss making his subordinates wait for a meeting is a sign of rudeness, lack of respect for other people’s time and his own indiscipline. What we all need irrespective of our position, caste or creed is mutual respect and tolerance.There is so much that we TALK and so little that we DO. Let us co-exist with dignity, love and peace.

Blogging - Passion or a chore?

Blogging - Passion or a chore? Writing one blog a month is what I had committed to myself. I managed to do that for quite some time and then I lost my commitment to this blog writing. Then, I told myself – “If I missed one month, I will write 2 blogs the next month and make up for the blank that I drew the last month.” I started writing on this basis. Slowly, I skipped 2 months without blogging. I said to myself – “That’s ok, I will make up next month by writing 3 blogs” My targets kept increasing and what I started as a passion turned into a painful chore. I then realised what I was doing. I started to cheat myself by making wrong commitments .If I make a wrong commitment to myself then how will I ever make commitments to others and honour my word? Now, this is what is bugging me. I hope to correct myself and start writing blog every month. This is a new beginning… Happy Dussehra to you all.

Issue based not person based

When parents say – “you got 65% marks in maths, that’s bad!!! No TV for you for the rest of the year”. At no point in time they meant  - “I don’t love you”. What they have rejected is your actions and not YOU.

Let us study this common occurrence in the Indian culture -

Girl gets married to a boy and then takes up the duties in her new house. One of those duties is say – cooking.She prepares dal, curry and chapatis.Curry is spicy and the boy’s family doesn’t eat spicy food.The first reaction after eating the curry from the boy’s mother – “what spicy curry , we don’t prepare it like this!!!”. The girl starts thinking – what is this? Whatever I do they don’t like, on the contrary the mother-in-law also starts thinking – what a girl we chose, she doesn’t even know how to cook.

In all this, we need to remember that what needs to be rejected is the ACTION and not the PERSON. This will liberate us from the false imagery that we tend to make and stop being judgemental.

When a salesman tries to sell his product to customers, they will have reasons not to buy – high price, they don’t feel its need, they are happy with the product of another company and many such reasons.When they reject the product, they are not rejecting the sales person, are they?

A giel straightens her hair and asks her boyfriend for a feedback and he says – “You looked gorgeous when your hair was curly “.The girl gets upset and starts sulking and stops talking her boyfriend.What has her boyfriend done here? On asked for a feedback, he gave his opinion, he never said – “I don’t love you anymore”. So, he rejected her action of straightening and not HER.

Life is simpler when we understand that  rejection is of  the ACTIONs and not the PERSONs.

Good or Bad

There is so much of “bad” in this world that we can easily find them , point them out and also make a list of them…

There are shortcomings in an organisation, family, individual. Any idiot can find out the mistakes/faults , it is not a great achievement to find these faults.

It takes an able and noble minded person to find out the GOOD in a person/organisation/family. It takes a lot to acknowledge another person’s goodness,isn’t it?

What I can see through my bedroom window on a rainy day is either the fresh green trees or the muddy slush created from the rain water. I need to choose what I want to see from my window of life. I will see only what I want to see.

There is so much goodn in the worst of people and there is so much of bad in the best of people.What do we want to see through the spectacle that is our mind??

I take a resolve to be a habitual good finder than be a fault finder. And  You?

Written today by Krishna Pendyala for Sri Chandresekhar Nair(Daffodil)

MY RESOLVE

To plan for what you want 10 years from now is foolhardy; to not know what you want by the end of this year is again, foolhardy!!!

What’s important is to understand our objectives, measure them, track them, keep them realistic, specific.

Goals and Objectives are never ambitious, timelines are ambitious.

My resolve is to see worth in other people and make them aware of their worth.

In my times of despair,  God was always there in the form of a human soul to support,push , drive and showed me the way.There were times when I didn’t trust my abilities but I always found a few others who trusted in my abilities more than me.I have reached to this position and place not on my own steam alone but others’ belief in me..

Now, its my turn to give the world what the world has given to me.BELIEF…

Till they find their self-thur, I will be their thrust, till they find their self-belief, I will be their self-belief

I will be that propelling force that will show them that are better than they think they are.The world helped me see my future, I will now help the world see theirs….

A letter to my BIL on his 5oth bday

19/2/2013 = 1X9 X2 +20+13 = 51 ---> completed 50 and entering into 51

OR

19/2/2013 = 19-2+20+13 = 50  --->  completed 50

Dear BIL,

My association with you started when my lovely sister got engaged to you.

I still remember the day vividly when as a marriage custom, I placed the jaggery under your chin to cajole you not to go when u were ready to walk with ur stick and umbrella:) Now, on your 50th birthday , I am swelling with pride to tell that my BIL hasn't changed from the BIL I always knew- my 23 adjectives/nouns for you will be hopefully apt to describe you -

1.helpful,2.cheerful, 3 health conscious, 4 highly intelligent 5. Practical

 6 philosopher7friend 8 guide to many 9. Supportive 10 forthright

11 caring12 family man 13 thirsty to learn 14 studious 15 never say die  attitude

16 young at heart 17 loving parent 18 hard working 19 god seeking

 20 tradition loving 21 Movie buff 22 food lover 23 great traveller

Why did I mention 23 and not 50 traits of urs??

It's bcos of my association with u is now in its 23 rd year:)

 Have happiness and health life long

Have a rocking Golden Jubilee year....

Yours lovingly,

 bil

2nd anniversary of my blog

Today , I have completed 2 years in the blogging world.

Neeraj Nigam, thanks for igniting the spark in me to start blogging.

When I started , I didnt have any idea on what I will write and how I will retain the interest in me to continue blogging.

In my 24 months of blogging, I have written 45 blogs including this one.My topics of blogs started with personal experiences and then gradually shifted to my views on certain topics and some that are more philosophy oriented and some just plain fun and imaginary situations.

 I have thoroughly enjoyed my experience and will continue to enrich myself by expressing my views.

Family, friends who have read my blogs have given their feedbacks that have helped me to do better.

Thanks for all the encouragement and feedback!!

I am sure , this year, will be a better learning curve in my budding blogging graph.Maybe more of photo blogging this time:)

take care ,guys

Different paths, different results…

Anyone can be one among the crowd. The joy of living life is is in standing above the crowd, and in walking a different path.It’s a choice you have to make. Make the decision right now.Do you want to be just anybody in life, or do you want to be somebody in life?

If you live life like everybody,you will become like everybody.Walk the path like everybody walks and you’ll reach the same destination as everyone.Walk a different path and you will reach a different destination for yourself.

If you keep thinking the same way, you will keep doing the same stuff.If you keep doing the same stuff, you will keep getting the same results.Expecting your life to change without changing the pattern of your thoughts is immaturity.Doing the same stuff but expecting newer results is sheer ignorance.

Its a cause and effect syndrome.If I have to reach where I have never reached,then I will have to take the path that I have never taken.If I have to achieve what I have never achieved,then I will have to do the things that I have never done before.If I have to accomplish what no one has ever accomplished ,then I will have to do what no one has ever done.

If you cannot run ahead of others, then run a completely different path and also hope that sometime in future, people will run behind you.

Seeding a thought of India-Pakistan re-unification

The only solution to the Kashmir issue, according to me, is reunification of India and Pakistan under a strong, secular, modern minded government which does not tolerate religious fanaticism and deals with it firmly.

Am I mad to write what I have written? Maybe YES , maybe NO.

Let me give you a real life experience. During my stint with Ceat Tyres as an exports manager, I was In Ethiopia – in a foreign country ,different culture, colour and race. One evening I found a man of my colour loitering in the hotel lobby.I introduced myself in English and asked for his identity .He said – I am Malik from Pakistan.Then, the next 3hours was spent with him talking in Hindustani about cricket, Bollywood , music and business. We both felt so good to have met each other because it helped us to converse on topics that were so relevant to us.Never did we even broach on Kashmir nor politics. The next 3 days were spent in his company that was awesome. Similar experience repeated in Mauritius when I met my distributor there who was a Pakistani married to a Mauritian lady.

What I am coming to is when we meet Pakistanis (and I am speaking from my personal experience), we feel no different from them. We talk in Hindustani and feel one. In foreign countries, Indians and Pakistanis mix up as if Partition has not taken place. And what is the basis of Partition ? It is the bogus two nation theory, that Hindus and Muslims are two separate nations. I submit that this theory was only a product of the British policy of divide and rule to make Hindus and Muslims fight with each other. 

If this theory, that religion is the basis of a nation, is accepted then logically England(there are many chrisitians – protestants /catholics, Jews,Hindus,muslims) , Nigeria(half muslim, half Christian), France and other such countries should be partitioned into two halves. France has a sizeable Muslim population (descendants of North African Arabs belonging to the former French colonies in North Africa). The French Muslims too should be given a separate state (if the two nation theory is accepted as valid ). 

I believe that a unified sub-continent is a big plus for all of us.The biggest benefit is PEACE. Pakistan raises its defence spending every year because of its historically uneasy relations with us – last year both neighbours matched each other by equally raising their defence spending by 12%, though the size of Indian defence budget(50 billion USD) is much higher than that of Pakistan(5 billion USD).Imagine if 10 % of a total of 55 billion USD(5.5 billion USD) was spent on economic development!!!
It would mean education, infrastructure, health for all of us without depending on World Bank mercies….
Also, unified cricket, hockey teams from this region then will be ruling the world forever. Tourism industry can be leveraged in a unified Kashmir which has one of the most enchanting natural world.
Will this happen?? In my life time?? A thought , a seed is sown.. A plant will grow , a tree will spread its roots, will bear fruits…How long will it take?? I don’t know but no harm thinking that it will happen…

Corporate Winners

Reliance Industries has been declared the OVERALL CHAMPION CORPORATE TEAM in the CORPORATE GAMES 2012 conducted at Goregaon Sports complex between 6th to 21st Oct,2012 where 55 Corporates and 700 athletes participated.  

RIL got this trophy in its second year of participation itself. We had secured 4^th place last year with a small contingent.

This trophy is given based on the points received in various events. In the 10 -year history of this tournament, “Reliance Industries” has become the first corporate team to cross 2000+ points.

Reliance Industries also received the “Best Male Athlete of the tourn
ament award” – Sreenivas Vemulapalli , the captain of  Reliance team.

Mr.Vemulapalli also took the intiative of co-ordinating internally to get budget approvals, team selections, nominations, conducting practice matches and assembling a WINNING RELIANCE team.

Now, how did the team deliver this result?

We at Reliance believe that Talent is hidden & not absent!!

Tus, in all earnestness we started to scout for the talent…

1)      Inclusive participation – this involved co-ordinating with various sites viz Jamnagar, Baroda, Nagothane  apart from RCP. The best of the talent available needed to be chosen. Result -  A contingent of  50+ athletes from RIL!!  

2)      Women Power – This was a foregone conclusion.We wanted the women from our company to participate in various sports disciplines because this would allow us to remain competitive in the tournament.This year, we had a total of 5 women particpiants against 0 last year which still is a low figure. We need to get more women to participate.

3)      Going beyond Badminton – We wanted to get into other disciplines where we not only participated but made a WINNING impact.This involved identifying the RIGHT talent and choosing the RIGHT mix and combination of athletes

4)      Organising Qualification matches – WE started the process of identifying the athletes by conducting the qualification matches for various disciplines and also shortlisting the athletes based on their past achievements. This allowed us to create a pool of accomplished athletes across various disciplines  and thus increased our chances of finishing on the podium.

It is very heartening to submit to you that what started as Passion for Sports is now becoming a CULTURE  - the impact of this is already seen in the Intra –Site RCP sports meet being conducted from 28/10/12 to 4/11/2012

All this would not have been possible without the support of the management(in recognising the need for participation, passing the budget), the respective managers of the athletes (without their approval, the athletes could not have made it )

A big THANK YOU to all

Congratulations  to all the athletes who WON and who Participated – both of these MADE IT HAPPEN

I won’t see others with my complaining eye…

Why do we see the imperfections in other persons? Why cant we  see just the good in a person? If you see imperfections, you will complain. A spectacle with scratches on it will always see blurred images

Its true with us too..What we want to see is upto us.If I want to see the thorns and not the rose, then whose fault is it?My eyes? My thought  process?

What does a complaint result in? Does that benefit us in any way? The more you complain, the more you build  negative energy in and around you.

Why do we keep complaining about things that we cant control? Why do we keep complaining to people who cant help us in reducing our pain area?

Complaints take us away from constructive thoughts. Complaint is a form of escalation. The person whom you are taking your complaint to, will have to address it in a way that will satisfy you(more often than not , you would want him/her to agree to your complaint)  -  but is that the end of the “complaint” thoughts  – NO

Complaints on a person crop only when you are not compatible with him/her. Incompatibility leads us to see only negative traits in that person and thus manifests the “complaint “ thoughts.

Lets pause for a moment and see the ROSE part of the person and not the THORN part. Will it not help us to take a more tolerant view then?

Think, lets resolve to reduce our complaints and lets just celebrate LIFE…..

Pleasure - Less or More??

What do you desire? Less pleasure or more pleasure?

We all love sleeping long hours. As a student, we hated to wake up early mornings to study.

Now , if you have to get up at 4am to receive your best friend at the airport/station, do you still feel  the pain/stress to get up? No –  infact you would get up at least 3 times during the night just to see if the alarm has set off or you missed the alarm ring…isn’t it?

This brings us to the moot point – the pleasure of meeting your best friend is more than the pleasure of sleeping.

The pleasure for the right things in your life is what will make you happy. If my pleasure of succeeding in academics/ workplace/family/sports(take your choice) is higher than any other pleasure, I will be happy to put all my focus on that activity/subject to ensure I am successful in my objective of attaining higher pleasure.

Can we force anyone to take up exercise/Gym because you feel it is good? The other person needs to see the “pleasure” of health rather than you seeing the “pleasure” on his behalf. So, make him see that pleasure.

Hell needs to be replaced by Heaven for anyone to have the pleasure.

When the desire of climbing the ladder is so highly insatiable only then you will leave the fourth step and climb the fifth.. else you will remain at a low altitude and keep fighting for the LOWER. Reach out to the HIGHER and end your struggle.

Trust Me

I am such a gullible fella – I trust others.

Why some  people trust easily and why others don’t?

Which is better – trusting or not trusting?

Trust is a matter of experience. Child trusts a mother  when she joyously throws her child in the air and catches in time.

When a child grows and starts getting  experience of interactions with various people, he/she either builds the trust factor or depletes the trust factor. The more you encounter positive experiences the more you trust others.

The bigger hurdle for trust is the human nature that borders on cynisim. WE don’t trust strangers. How many times have we given a lift to strangers in our cars? Why don’t we? Imagine a situation where you are looking for a lift as you are stuck with a car that has broken down on a desolate highway (now you are the stranger),where you are willing to trust the other person(who still is a stranger) giving a lift because it is suiting your purpose!!

We don’t trust others but expect others to trust us..

How do you feel when you meet somebody for the first time?

1)      Does it make you feel that you have to prove that you are trustworthy? Is that a good feeling?

2)      It perhaps makes you jump to negative conclusions about that person – Why is he behaving like this,whats his problem..these are your reactions of suspicion as a response to lack of trust from that person

Now, we look at the flip side

How does it make you feel when you meet somebody for the first time and get a warm response, feeling of trust and openness? You like it , don’t you?In fact , you start liking that person instantly and you are much more likely to treat them with respect in return

If you want others to trust and respect us, do the same to them too.Thats a good beginning , isn’t it?Trusting others sets up a subconscious desire in them to live up to that trust

Trust is a form of approval – People like to deal with people who have their approval because it is a sign of acceptance and respect.

Successful relationships are built on trust – the more we count someone as trustworthy, the higher they get rated on our personal relationships.

Back to our opening question – In a world where some people are looking to take advantage of others,is it unwise to trust others?All I am talking about is the attitude that we project towards people we meet for the first time.

If you greet most people with trust and give them the benefit of the doubt, you will not be disappointed( I speak from my experience).Helping others feel good about themselves will raise the quality of their life and ours too

So use your common sense and exercise caution when it is required

Trust me, trusting is a good virtue…J

Random....

Just penning down a collection of random thoughts and not related to any specific topic..

1.    Self

Who we are is our destiny

What we become is our doing.

2.   Love

My heart says to Love all

This world says to be practical

Love is an emotion that now is rare

Not everyone deserves this as their right

I will thus use this sparingly

Till the world again pleads to me

            LOVE ALL

3.   Cycle of Life

Life is a cycle of experience…

Childhood is the first pedal that we Explore,

Teenage is the first gear with which  we Experiment,

Youth is the speed that we Enjoy,

Middle age is the balance that we Adopt

Old Age is the brake that we apply to our Needs.

Apply Brakes and Break Away

I am going to FAR EAST for my holidays

I am a big fan of London and the shopping it offers

Big Apple,  I am coming!!

GOA – whoa…..

Monsoon holiday for me….

When the body or mind reaches its threshold, efficiency declines. As much as we take rest at the end of the day to replenish our energy levels, holidays rejuvenate our mind, intellect and emotions and thereby the spirit.

If at all we do go on a holiday, we exhaust ourselves with seeing seven different places in a day’s time. It is plenty of travelling, sightseeing, visiting places of worship and endless shopping. Such holidays, instead of serving as a break, actually break you down. What to say of people who do the same even during their honeymoon!

Some people tend to maximize their holidays by booking and looking to stuff many options in to a limited period of holiday.Some people wish to go totally opposite. They will get up at 1pm and have their breakfast and lunch at 4pm and dinner at 1am –result – acidity ,upset stomach…

My view – both are a bit extreme as they will stress the system and by the time you arrive back at your base location – HOME , you are tired and longing to take another day off to recuperate from the schedule

Holidays are meant to be a “routine breaker” which allows you to step back from your daily schedule and take a look at life from an “outsider” perspective.

 Taking family holidays is the best investment one can make to rebuild family ties. Likewise, taking a holiday with your friends greatly strengthens the emotional bonding, we get nostalgic, remember the silly things that we did and still not get embarrassed in front of our friends.

 A holiday provides uninterrupted time with each other and hence reduces the accumulated emotional baggage. It breaks the pattern of routine life which has turned out to be a professional drill for most people. It not only provides recreation, but also re- creates your spirits (the solid one, not the liquid).

Leave your mobile phones, laptops and your tight inner garments behind. Dress comfortably during your holiday and forget modeling. Resolve not to call your office till your holiday is through. For heaven’s sake, do not go there and start cooking your own food. Treat you tongue to new cuisines.

Its always a welcome break for the housewife (who works the hardest in a family) too from her daily routine – breakfast for the husband, getting the kids ready for school, endless hours in the kitchen – getting lumch,snacks and dinner.. whoosh next day begins. Even she is sick and tired of eating her own food..She is the person who enjoys the most on a holiday as she gets to eat what she wants and not what she has prepared…

A holiday to unwind... a holiday to break the pattern of thought and work…a holiday to rejuvenate…a holiday to breathe different air…a holiday to look back and to look ahead…a holiday to dedicate yourself completely to the family…a holiday a holiday to free yourself from your labels and designations ,  where you can  be purely YOU without any inhibitions…

Holidays are mandatory. Without breaks, we will break down.

So, apply brakes to your work and Break away

MOVE ON

I am using this analogy to prove a point.

You have dumped cloths inside a washing machine. The machine has performed its job. Now the cloths have to be taken out for drying. The longer you keep the cloths inside the machine, the fouler the odour will be. Don’t take it out for a few days and the stench will become unbearable. So it is with our thoughts and emotions. The more and more we keep building thoughts but do not communicate, and more and more we feel the emotions but do not express, the greater becomes the gap in the relationship. How long will you sweep things under the carpet? Eventually it will come out; and when it comes out, it comes out as a blast that is unmanageable.

 When you do not spontaneously communicate your thoughts and express your feelings, you begin to distort them. When you cannot face it, you tend to deny it. What you cannot accept, you pretend not to care about. Time, it seems, makes a liar out of all of us.

 The secret of emotional health is to tell the persons who hurt you that they hurt you, when they hurt you.Emotional stress is purely due to thoughts not communicated and emotions not expressed. Emotional illness is a strong disease.

You are telling me, “Honestly, if I start expressing all my thoughts and feelings, I will hurt the person who matters so much to me.” I am telling you, “If you don’t, you will eventually hurt the relationship itself.”

Let us learn to face the truth, even if it hurts. Let those who matter to us the most learn to face the truth, even if it hurts. Communicate your thoughts and feelings directly to the person who instigated it. Be prompt. Don’t wait for ideal conditions. Be simple. Finish your complaint and let go. Don’t exaggerate, don’t nag; avoid overkill. If the person feels with you, you have succeeded. If not, understand who you are dealing with. Accept what is. Forgive and let go of your hurt. Move on…you have nothing to prove.

So , I have moved on ….Have you??

Blame it on others

If something goes wrong, its not because of me.Its because of someone else..

My wife takes Maths tuitions. A student comes daily because her mother has forced her to this so called torture. My wife works very hard to get her student’s basics right. Its a struggle that I see more often than not.

The girl will say – “My teacher in school doesn’t teach me the same way, I am confused, I don’t understand, this subject is difficult”, my wife reasons – “Agreed that we are different teachers, our methods are different but how can the principles and logic change??”

The inability to understand the subject is a problem that the girl encounters and she has conveniently shifted the genesis of this problem to  the teaching methods of her teachers.

Now, when I recollect some of the incidents that happened in my school days,I can see this clearly.

How many times I have heard this among my friends in school – “ Exam paper was tough,the questions were out of syllabus, Maths teacher doesn’t like me”

Now what is this??

As long as we think that problem is due to others, the solutions will never originate from us as we don’t see this problem as ours. WE have to take the responsibility for our problems and not blame others. Ability to respond(to problems) is responsibility.

If there is an issue in our office, it is always because of  others and not “ME”.This creates an environment where there are only problems and no solution providers.

Only when we accept and recognise the problem that there is a hope in getting solutions.

I come back to the girl who is taking tuitions from my wife.She was counselled by my wife and me that the challenge is not MATHS as a subject but it lies in getting this fear out of your mind that this subject is tough.Once you accept that this is a problem,it is easier to get a solution which is – it takes practice, hard work and sound basics to get this subject right.

Half the battle is won when you accept the existence of a problem. She recognised this and has never moaned about the teacher again. The results are out, she secured an A1 in her most dreaded subject(even better than her relatively easier subjects).We both are very proud of her achievements and silently also take pride in changing her attitude(this is a bigger accomplishment that the A1)

So,the philosophy that can be imbibed is –

"Let problems come from anywhere, the solutions will come from me.”

WOMAN – Working or a House wife…

 

In this world, women are categorised as – Housewife (nowadays referred to as house maker) or working woman.. more so in India - I always wondered WHY?

Men are never classified as – Working or Househusband – again – WHY?

Men are always classified as – service – Govt, Private or business…

Now, this blog is not to discuss about MEN..it will not be an interesting read at all..

WOMEN are my object of attention in this blog…

Who decides that a married woman either works or becomes part of the domestic routine of her in-laws and her husband’s house. Now, a house wife is a position that is created only after marriage.

Who decides – Housewife or a working lady??

Does the husband decide this? The pressure from the in-laws?

Biggest influencers in her decision making process

1)     Her upbringing at her parents’ house influences her decision either to take up a job or be a housewife. If she is programmed to think that “pati parmeshwar hai”, “taking care of your in-laws is the duty of a daughter-in-law”, “kids need mother’s attention always” then more often than not she will end up as a HOUSEMAKER

2)     Her new husband will then further nudge her to take up a job to support him in running the house or can also tell her to take care of his ageing parents and he will take care of running the house with his salary

3)     If the girl is in the rural setting, then more often than not , she is an additional helping hand at home and the fields. There will be no time to settle down, its work from day one.

4)     Domestic help is a category of a working woman who has chosen her profession purely for financial reasons. She has to work to support the whole family and also come home and work. Nobody influences her to do this. She does on her own. Highest levels of commitment and motivation of taking care of her family also, sometimes, pushes a woman into prostitution.

5)     Financial independence also drives a woman to take up a job. She need it more for herself than anyone else. This is the modern outlook where women are equals and they strive for what that desire come what may.

6)     There is one other category who simply don’t want to take up a job and are comfortable taking care of their home and children. Highly educated women have taken this conscious decision inspite of their husbands and families willing to allow them to work.

Now what is right for a woman?

House maker or a job seeker??

My assessment -

1)     A woman has to decide for herself what is best for her

2)     Only she is in such a glorious position to take a decision which will make or break a family. She is the fulcrum around which a family and its needs revolve.

3)     Man is useless without her support be it as a house maker or a working woman

4)     House maker is a full time job that a woman has to do. WE have to appreciate the effort, time and energy involved in this. Its with awe that I look at this position of “Housemaker”

5)     A working woman epitomises the power of multi-tasking that only a woman can do with effortless ease.

Now , I can understand why woman has been categorised as – HOUSEWIFE/MAKER and a WORKING WOMAN.

Only she can handle these two with aplomb. Man is not programmed for such complexities which includes working selflessly for others, sacrificing her needs, desires  for her family.

One last thought on this - A girl who has come from a different house and tries to forge new relations post her marriage needs great support and understanding from her husband foremost.

So appreciate a woman and celebrate her spirit of giving…