Dawn

My back is stiff. My arms are aching. But I sat there, looking at the monthly operations report, forcing myself to work. What was I doing at this hour in the office? The clock was showing ten in the night. My wife has already called me twice reminding me that there is a home and that’s where I should be at this hour.

"Some more time." I plead to my wife. I sit down with a coffee mug that will take care of my spinning head (fully aware that my acidity will further worsen)

I ask myself. "Why doesn't my mind wander away to the more beautiful things in life, the happy childhood days that were so carefree? “Why does it always have to be WORK!!!?"

My team has always delivered the results and that too in pinch situations. My Business Head trusts me with all the critical projects that come his way and we have never given him a chance to complain. The ratings, increments and promotions have been coming along in regular frequencies. There is no reason to feel dejected but still I was not feeling a sense of accomplishment.Why?

It is 1.30am and I am already delayed from the promised time to my wife.I close my laptop, drawers, pack my bag and trudge out of my office. I say my “good morning” to the security staff and start walking towards my car. I see the moon in its full glory, can’t remember the last time I enjoyed such moments with my family.

I looked all around. The world looked much beautiful. Somewhere, far away, I could see lights. I presume that must have been another workplace where people like me are working  away at their PCs. As I looked at the road that ran in front of our office, I slowly kept my palm on the wall. Tiny droplets of water had formed on the wall, which I touched.  I wanted to feel it again. I touched it again. It was the most wonderful feeling. I wondered why I don't do these things often.

I decide to stay there till sunrise. I called my wife and inform her of my decision to stay back. She grumbles and complains that this is becoming a habit now. I promise her that this is the last time I will ever be late (she must have given a wry & resigned smile!!)

I take a walk in the office campus which is quite huge. I see a dog (that has made our campus its home) wagging its tail without any expectations. It’s happy to see another living being. It decides to follow me. I keep walking till I reach the end of the campus. I see some security guards stationed to guard the campus and strike a conversation with them. One of them is a strong Sardar with a starched moustache. I ask him – “How do you find life in an alien place away from your homeland?” He replies “Sir, need to do this for sustaining my family”. He then goes on to narrate his story of how he started off as an army soldier, went up the ranks of a Subedar and had to take a voluntary retirement due to an injury sustained in a mortar attack in J&K. He then got this job, away from his family,  giving up his family home in Punjab, living in a small one room in a Mumbai suburb!!For what? His family!!

I broke into tears thinking about my own plight. I hated the fact that I existed. Why am I going through this entire trauma? Am I making a difference to this world in a positive way? What is holding me here? The money?. The passion for marketing? The feeling that I would be isolated if I didn't work late hours?. I don't know. I am still searching for the answers.

 Then, suddenly out of nowhere, images of my family came into my mind.  My dad, who had taken care of the family since I remember him. In fact, since I remember anything. My mom who would not have slept even a little bit, if I would come late from a party. And my wife, who loves me immensely(I have not been able to show it to her in a quantifiable way) ,  misses me when she doesn't get to talk to me.

"I am not alone" I shout.  "I have this beautiful world to live in, with beautiful people in it"

I lovingly stroke my new found friend which is still following me with its tail wagging. Then I see the sun breaking from behind the clouds and then I see it in its full glory. At dawn, it dawns upon me that there are a lot of such beautiful things within and around us that need to be discovered, experienced, shared with your loved ones.

Can’t wait to get back to my wife and discover love, happiness, contentment all over again.

Cheers to the new dawn of my life!!